March 20, 1990 - 2022
Today is a day worth remembering, the day to commemorate the 32nd year of my life in this world.
The day I am truly grateful for my family, who celebrated and made it known that I am.....I AM.
The day I just thought to myself to keep my day away from public (SocMed I guess). The day I saw the dependence of people to it. I gues you already have an idea where this topic is going.....and that's.....today.
I should not expect from others, that should be a given. But this curse of empathy is deafening right now. I know how special it must feel for someone to remember their day and greet them, I do it. So it's all the more sad and hurtful (?) to know I can't feel it back....?
I thought that in this life, you should not do to others what you do not want others to do to you. I also thought that in every effort you put into your life, path, choices, it will be repaid. Maybe not the exact way you gave it, but be paid in some way or form. Well, apologies for the impulsive drama but......IT'S BEEN 32 FUCKING YEARS.....COULD I AT LEAST FEEL A LITTBLE BIT OF IT? (whew....)
Now I know that what I said was....no, is selfish. That's why I said pardon the drama ('cause it's impulsive and obviously wrong since it is) I'm just venting I guess. I'm not saying this to them in any way, shape, or form. I just want to let it out.
So yeah, it sucks. But I am very thankful for my family. They are the people that I know will always be there for me, and I for them. I'm still grateful for this life, to be their son, & little brother. I hoped that I could extend that to some degree, that "family"....Life's a bitch ain't it? Even if you work or try your hardest, if it's not for you....then life will say, "fuck you." I guess. Haahh.....I'm just blabbering here...this is nonsense...fuck it.
Happy Birthday self, I hope and pray that you live through all hardships, and become the strongest fucking person I know. Have a very stable, and successful life, if not rich and succesful one. I wish for all your goals to come true, for your family and yourself. And most of all, I wish you finally achieve that feeling.....that feeling that you won....that you belong.